Monday, August 08, 2016

Give Me a Sign

     Last month I had the opportunity to visit the Sacred Grove. Now, for those that are not of the LDS (Mormon) faith, the Sacred Grove is the place where Joseph Smith (our founding prophet) received an answer to his prayer of what church he should join. He was not sure which church was the true church of Jesus Christ and desperately wanted to know, so he could join the correct one. He was visited by Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ in the woods outside of his home, where he was praying. This place is now called the Sacred Grove and it's visited by thousands of people every year. (For more information about this historical site and Joseph's miraculous experience you can go to The First Vision: Journey to the Sacred Grove.)
    
     Before we got to the site I was extremely excited and anticipated that it would be a beautiful, spiritual experience for me. I prayed to God that he would give me a sign to confirm to me that the words of Joseph Smith were true: 
                         I saw a pillar of light exactly over my head, above the brightness of the sun, which descended gradually until it fell upon me... I saw two Personages, whose brightness and glory defy all description, standing above me in the air. One of them spake unto me, calling me by name and said, pointing to the other—This is My Beloved Son. Hear Him! (Joseph Smith - History 1:24)
     I wanted to know, without a doubt, that Joseph really did see, and talk with, God and Jesus Christ. I was certain that my prayers would be answered and that I would indeed receive a sign.
    
     As I began walking through the Sacred Grove, with my oldest son, the beauty of the sun shining through the trees was awesome. I felt the excitement of being where Joseph had been. I felt humbled that this hallowed ground had been visited by my Father in Heaven and my brother, Jesus Christ. My son and I barely spoke. We listened to the birds in the trees and occasionally passed other visitors on the path. We talked about how amazing it would've been to have been a young boy of 14 and experienced such an event. It felt incomprehensible. We sat on one of the benches, that were placed in the grove in various places, and took it all in. I waited for my sign. It felt peaceful there. I felt that this indeed was a sacred place, but I wanted my sign. Nothing came.

     We decided to start walking back to the car, and I was feeling a little bummed out, but not extremely discouraged. It wasn't as if this sign that I wanted was going to make or break the testimony that I already had of the truthfulness of Joseph Smith's words. And then it hit me upside the head, I got my answer:
                         "You already know it is true. You have had it confirmed to you many times. There is no reason for a sign. He knows that you know it is true."
     I actually laughed at myself a little. How silly for me to ask of God for such a thing. The Spirit I felt at that moment was obviously, absolutely correct. I did and do know that the things that Joseph Smith saw and experienced are true. It has been confirmed to me by the Holy Spirit many times throughout my life. I needed no other sign than that.
    
     President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, the second counselor in the First Presidency of LDS church, stated:
                         "Is it possible to find truth? The purpose of my remarks is to proclaim the joyful message that God Himself—the Lord of Hosts who knows all truth—has given His children the promise that they can know truth for themselves. Please consider the magnitude of this promise: The Everlasting and Almighty God, the Creator of this vast universe, will speak to those who approach Him with a sincere heart and real intent. He will speak to them in dreams, visions, thoughts, and feelings. He will speak in a way that is unmistakable and that transcends human experience. He will give them divine direction and answers for their personal lives. Of course, there will be those who scoff and say such a thing is impossible, that if there were a God, He would have better things to do than hear and answer a single person’s prayer. But I tell you this: God cares about you. He will listen, and He will answer your personal questions. The answers to your prayers will come in His own way and in His own time, and therefore, you need to learn to listen to His voice (Receiving a Testimony of Light and Truth, Liahona, Nov. 2014).
     It is possible to find truth. God has spoken to me in His own way. It IS unmistakable. I know God cares about me and listens to my prayers. I know He answers them, as well. I am grateful for my experience in the Sacred Grove. I am thankful for the "sign" that I did not receive, for I received something far greater - the realization that I already have a belief in, and testimony of Joseph's words. I know his words are truth. I now feel that I should testify of that. I shall put my voice with his in declaring that God and Jesus did visit him in the Sacred Grove and that "all the world could not make [me] think or believe otherwise" (JSH 1:24).

Landon and I in the Sacred Grove.

 

Tuesday, January 03, 2012

I STOOD

It was another life
A time when I didn't know
I could
I learned from them all
I cracked, broke, shattered
I was raw, standing exposed
At the crossroads of it all
My time had come
Into myself I searched
Wrenched, stretched, clawed
Finally realizing it was
In me
I stood
I am
I will

-Jackee

Monday, May 09, 2011

My Builder

He is gathering up the pieces of my heart.
With each day that goes by, he puts the pieces into place.
I let him in and he is careful; he knows this is the last chance.
I know no other way than to let him in, trust his words, and
let him take care of me once again.
My heart belongs to this builder; my one and only love.

-Jackee

Saturday, April 30, 2011

Forces of Nature

a sea of tears have filled the tomb where my heart hides
protected from forces that fail to see
what a shame
the feeling is overwhelming
scared to break free from the catacombs
scared to stand exposed and unprotected
will he keep me safe
will he handle with care
my heart cannot know but will trust him once again

-Jackee

Forward

the pulling is exhausting
am I coming or going
one step at a time - forward
don't want to look behind
why is it on my heels
breathing down my neck
strange how I run faster
but it always catches up
it must grow tired someday
I will never falter
already traveled that road
left me in the black
resilient and surviving
never going back
keep your hands off me
take your words back
I am persistent
I am strong
quit pulling on my mind
my heart belongs to him

-Jackee

Thursday, February 03, 2011

"I knew all the rules, but the rules did not know me."
-Eddie Vedder

LONGING

She’s delicate
Sensitive
She longs to feel
To be touched
Deep within her soul
Her heart pains to be one
Devoted to her love
She is special
She knows
But cannot make it so
Why does she wait
She does not know
She needs be held
She wants to feel safe
Encircled by his desire
For her sacred power
To accept her beauty within

-Jackee

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Where Can I Find It?

The questions are heavy on my heart
The darkness sucks the breath from my lungs
My thoughts race, I cannot hold them
My flesh calls out for the razor’s edge
The relief is within but too far to reach
If I go now, it will never come…

-Jackee

Friday, December 10, 2010

My Schedule

The nerve.... Inviting me down there - on such short notice! Even if I wanted to go my schedule wouldn't allow it.

4:00: Wallow in self pity.
4:30: Stare into the abyss.
5:00: Solve world hunger, tell no one.
5:30: Jazzercize.
6:30: Dinner with me - I can't cancel that again.
7:00: Wrestle with my self-loathing...

I'm booked. Of course, if I bump the loathing to 9... I could still be done in time to lay in bed, stare at the ceiling and slip slowly into madness.

-The Grinch

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

THE MASK


No one ever acts themselves,
it's always a mask.
Whenever you see a face,
it's always a mask.
I wonder who they really are
behind that mask.
I wonder if they're really happy
behind that mask.
I don't think anyone knows me
because of my mask.
I don't think they really care...
as long as their mask is there.

-Jackee

The Win

The time fades away slowly-
The pictures go with it.
Each passing day is a triumph;
If there is no pain it's a victory.
The days will get shorter,
The road remains long-
But if there's no pain it's a victory
And if the pictures fade away
I have won.

-Jackee

Sunday, November 21, 2010

The Decision















 

Yellow flowers from her past

A love grows weaker, fading fast

Her brown eyes wet with sting of tears

She wonders how she got through years

If only he had seen her there

She wouldn’t sit here now in fear

Wondering which step to take

Knowing all there is at stake

Help her Lord to do what’s right

Keep her strong all through the night

Guide her feet along the way

Help her choose to go or stay

-Jackee

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Her Hero?

Bubbling

Festering inside
Things he said

She cannot compute

Raging waters of selfish pride

They wash over her

One cannot predict the devastation

Only partially revealed

She’s swimming

She’s sinking

He cannot compute

Will he realize?

Will he reach for her?

-Jackee