Where Can I Find It?

The questions are heavy on my heart
The darkness sucks the breath from my lungs
My thoughts race, I cannot hold them
My flesh calls out for the razor’s edge
The relief is within but too far to reach
If I go now, it will never come…

-Jackee

My Schedule

The nerve.... Inviting me down there - on such short notice! Even if I wanted to go my schedule wouldn't allow it.

4:00: Wallow in self pity.
4:30: Stare into the abyss.
5:00: Solve world hunger, tell no one.
5:30: Jazzercize.
6:30: Dinner with me - I can't cancel that again.
7:00: Wrestle with my self-loathing...

I'm booked. Of course, if I bump the loathing to 9... I could still be done in time to lay in bed, stare at the ceiling and slip slowly into madness.

-The Grinch

THE MASK

No one ever acts themselves,
it's always a mask.
Whenever you see a face,
it's always a mask.
I wonder who they really are
behind that mask.
I wonder if they're really happy
behind that mask.
I don't think anyone knows me
because of my mask.
I don't think they really care...
as long as their mask is there.

-Jackee

The Win

The time fades away slowly-
The pictures go with it.
Each passing day is a triumph;
If there is no pain it's a victory.
The days will get shorter,
The road remains long-
But if there's no pain it's a victory
And if the pictures fade away
I have won.

-Jackee

The Decision

 

Yellow flowers from her past

A love grows weaker, fading fast

Her brown eyes wet with sting of tears

She wonders how she got through years

If only he had seen her there

She wouldn’t sit here now in fear

Wondering which step to take

Knowing all there is at stake

Help her Lord to do what’s right

Keep her strong all through the night

Guide her feet along the way

Help her choose to go or stay

-Jackee

Her Hero?

Bubbling

Festering inside

Things he said

She cannot compute

Raging waters of selfish pride

They wash over her

One cannot predict the devastation

Only partially revealed

She’s swimming

She’s sinking

He cannot compute

Will he realize?

Will he reach for her?

-Jackee

Games People Play

Head games.

What is this about?

Not doing this again;
It is hard to understand.
Love doesn’t come in small packages.
Who knew?
Last played,
Not long ago.

My turn to go first.

One foot in front of the other?

Heart hidden.

-Jackee

 

What's in a Name?

Landon: Mama, I don't want you to call me Landon anymore.
Jackee: Why?
Landon: Because there are too many Landons in the world.
Jackee: Oh ya?
Landon: Ya, I don't think that you and Dad picked a good name. You should call me something else.
Jackee: What should we call you?
Landon: Batman.

Tangled Mess

I'm NOT because I'm KNOT.

-J and J

"The soul becomes dyed with the color of its thoughts."

-Marcus Aurelius

The Most Powerful Force in My Life

The most powerful force in my life has always been God. Whenever things in my life become too difficult for me to handle I know that I can ask him to help me through. He has never left me alone - even in my darkest hours. I'm not really sure how this has shaped the person that I am other than the fact that His "force," His power, His love, I cannot deny. I wish I did embrace God more than I do. I wish that I would turn to Him more - thanking Him for all that He does for me; praying more for the answers I seek and the comfort I long for. Even though I know that He's there, I don't turn to Him or embrace Him enough. I let feelings of pride or unworthiness get in the way. I guess if I embraced Him the way He wants me to I would feel more happiness, healing, and peace in my life.

SELF

"The greatest battle of life is fought out within the silent chambers of the soul. A victory on the inside of a man's heart is worth a hundred conquests on the battlefields of life. To be master of yourself is the best guarantee that you will be master of the situation. Know thyself. The crown of character is self-control."


-Unknown

The Guys

Loren and Landon were driving around the remote control monster truck and Landon was so worried about it crashing. I love his face. So cute!